POSH PRESENTERS: Class or arse?

Alexandra Tolstoy's Horse People
BBC2, 9pm tonight

Alexandra Tolstoy (yes, as in that Tolstoy) is the latest member of the upper class to get her own TV show. Conforming to stereotype, she presents Horse People, in which she travels the world neighing with pleasure at the equine lifestyle. She's typically posh – charming, game for anything (holding a rubber horse vagina as a stallion shoots his load into it) and naïvely coming out with an entertaining stream of double entendres: "I've never ridden such an intelligent animal". Brilliantly, she also pronounces "horse" as "whores". 

But is she class or arse? High-fallutin' frontmen and -women fit into two categories. Suggestions for the full chart welcome via the Comment button below...

Class: the upper crust

1 Valentine Warner from What To Eat Now – the chef who loves huntin’, shootin’ an’ fishin’ and doesn’t mind playing Nicebutdim, even though he seriously knows his food.

2 Peter Owen Jones from Around The World In 80 Faiths – the rocking vicar brought awestruck wonder to his religious tour of the globe. Showed Michael Palin how it should be done.

3 Dan Cruickshank from Adventures In Architecture – brought a grandfatherly Attenborough-lite style to architecture. There are Werther’s Originals  under that hat, I’m sure.

Arse: the cream of society (rich'n'thick)

1 Charlie Boorman – How come Joey Dunlop, Barry Sheene and Evel Knievel are dead and this twat is still riding his motorbike?

2 Ben Fogle – You boring, thick, present-anything bastard.

3 Tara Palmer-Tompkinson – Not sure which are worse: the appearances when she's coked up, or the ones where she's "thinking straight". Brian Blessed's pooch came up with a critical response to her presenting skills on The Underdog Show that no critic or blogger could better. It pissed on her leg.