So, in the past week, one of the CSIs returned and two ended for the year. And the contrast couldn't have been greater.
CSI: Miami – the most watched TV show in the world and therefore written with a pan-global audience of retarded gimps in mind – came back after its second fake "officer down"cliffhanger. In season 5, Delko was shot in the head, lost about eight pints of blood, was clearly dead... yet he woke up with a few vision and memory problems (eventually having a chat with the ghost of Speedle in the worst. episode. ever. of any crime show – though back when Rory Cochrane got the hell out of this show, at least people shot in the head died.). So it was no surprise that Horatio Caine – gunned down, lifeless, leaking a swimming pool's worth of blood at the end of the last season – turned out to have faked his death. It was pathetic – he was hanging around the police station and meeting dozens of people when pretending to be dead. Yeah, deep undercover... Absolute tosh.
The original CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, realising that we'd been put through the mangle enough for one series with Warwick's death (see... he got shot in the head; he stayed dead) and Grissom's departure, told a simple tale with an Old Vegas theme (time for Greg to trot out some lore), in which Langston has to take a life. It rounded off an unspectacular but sound series – Laurence Fishburne plays his part with enough Grissom oddity and sagacity but is gently steering in his own direction. It's a classy touch having the star as a junior team member. Hopefully next season will see more plots centring on Lauren Lee Smith as Riley Adams, who arrived with a foul mouth and some leftfield ideas but has been somewhat ignored by the scriptwriters since.
And CSI:NY continues to veer between being as good as Vegas and as bad as Miami. The finale saw Detective Angel shot and she died in surgery. So far, so realistic. The team tracks down the baddies; Flack shoots one of them when he didn't strictly need to - nice Shield-style grittiness. And then they go to a cop bar and drink whisky in Angel's memory. Nice NYPD Blue touch... now, just fade to poignantly silent credits, don't do anything stupid. Gah, nooooo! Here comes an attack of the Miamis; can't resist; must have drive-by shooting, making all the characters dive to the floor, possibly hit, possibly renegotiating contracts. For chrissakes, what is this? The Moldavian Royal Wedding from Dynasty?
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